The subtleties of darkness never cease to amaze. . .As a physical world creates a spiritual haze
IyesuKurisuto_no_Bushi
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Name: Alex
Country: Benin
Birthday: 11/17/1989
Gender: Male


Interests: God, Christianity, Theatre, RPGs, video games, choir, stuff 2 main interests: God, Love
Expertise: Massages and... hmm...
Occupation: Student
Industry: Nonprofit


Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM: Ragnoraku
MSN: alex


Member Since: 1/24/2005

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Friday, May 22, 2009

Driving across town at four a.m. is an interesting experience. The being tired part of it and the feeling like 35/40 mph is really 50 mph is neat enough, but it's more the perspective like seeing everything as a progressively moving screen, like a collection of snapshots put together while you're moving along at whatever speed you are and doing a pretty good job of driving.

The most safe thing in the world? Probably not. Not the most dangerous and foolish thing ever, but when you have to be back at your house in the morning you do, and if you leave where you're at around 3:30 or 4 in the morning, one's options are indeed limited. But that's not the point.

There may not even really be a point to be honest, I just think that the perspective you have when doing so after a full day of consciousness and an evening of fun if not ridiculously/peculiarly humorous activity is a neat thing.


Also, I wonder how you can love people while not being caught up in their lives, that is to care deeply for them and their happiness and peace without allowing the drudgery they must face drag you down as well because you get too close or try and make it your own problem, especially when you're around or surrounded by these people. I call them people on purpose, instead of failures or wastrels or inadvertent villains because I think we all get caught up in our own messes and don't see the other side of things or even the issue in perspective of all reality. I don't know if I could honestly (knowing what I've said and believing it to be true of me and those around me) blame someone for being that way, not that blame fixes things anyways, right?

But who knows? Not me, I don't think. What little I would say I do know is that driving across town at four in the morning is an interesting experience.


Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I visited the old man from time to time. I had other things to do, or maybe just decided to make things to do, for most of the time but always wound up over at his place eventually.

"It's all a matter of change."
"What?"

Part of the reason I kept going to see him is that nothing really seemed to be working out in my life. Romance, as usual, was an at least wasted if not problematic attempt. Work was fine, just getting a little old, and it seemed like time for me to do something else, go somewhere different, but I had no idea or particular means as to how and what. And a lot of my relationships with people really just seemed to be warping or in some instance essentially dying entirely. Certainly not everything that could go wrong was going wrong, but enough of it was in such an odd way that things just seemed pretty dark.

"Change. Are you surprised?"
"No, I was just thinking..."
"Oh? What about?"
"Just recently."

The idea was probably right, and it's not that it was such a foreign concept. Things change. We're creatures of change. People and cities and communities thrive on it. Change is good. It's what we do as people. You change your diet, it works out better for you, you change your sleep schedule and feel better, you change your job for more opportunities and excitement. Change is wonderful

"Things not going so well for you, I take it?"
"Why do you say that?"
"Because if something good or positive from your perspective were going on you would have either already volunteered it or just mentioned it in response to my comment. The fact that you didn't entails all is not well in your life as far as your eye can see."

He took a sip from his mug and smiled at me. I looked at him probably with a slightly bewildered look on my face, and then stared down at my cup of coffee. I don't know if it was the beans he had or how he made it, but his coffee was some of the best I'd ever have. It was a rich dark roast, the kind that can put a hop in your step and your ass on the john. And it had some brightness to it, like a hint of some kind of nut or something. Point being this coffee was delicious. but I didn't particularly feel like drinking it as I mused over how he was right and my fairly unwillingness to exactly spill open about the subject.

"It's rather funny, if you think about it. People talk about change as though they truly loved and embraced it as a necessary and even beneficial part of their lives. But if you take a look at things a little past the surface you'd find what's usually called change is no change at all, not for the people who purport it at least. Take a business for example. If they say they're going to change the way they do things, start caring about the customer, going the extra mile, giving the customers more bang for their buck, or at least the best value. It's a bunch of fancy words that satisfy the ear while any active brain knows what nonsense that is. People will stay people more money than a service or object is worth, more automated response systems will be put in place which, even if they have more detailed options, are an absolute hindrance to any kind of meaningful engagement and assistance, and someone will end up being cheated or ignored for the sake of a timeline or 'efficient use of resources'. It always amazes me how no seems to understand that companies can only exist if they make profit, and therefore they cannot really help people by giving them what they need, because people need what they need usually for free or at least without using or giving extra means for it, and even what people want is offered to them at inflated rates. The idea of community and mercy and being a servant is vacant from much of the world, especially in the western 'civilized' parts of the world, and this because of a lack of absolutes standards or morals. When everyone is right, then everyone suffers, some more gravely than others at first; but death and justice seem to vindicate even truth people like to ignore.."

He had my full attention now, partly because he was staring at his coffee mug, his eyes full of fire and anger. It was a little scary, because this man had never been anything but honest and mostly cheery; this was another aspect of that honesty, I guess, and it was unnerving.

He sighed and took a deep breath, followed by slow exhale and another sip of his coffee, "Ironic that these institutions and structures known called 'churches' function the same way, isn't it? Something that once meant the called out has become the reclusive and worldly, indistinguishable from that which it is supposed to be divorced from..." He gazed at me, his eyes still holding their anger, yet now mixed with deep sorrow, "That which does no change does not stagnate; it rots. Progression and Retrogression are the two operative forces in this word, and anyone who says otherwise is selling something and running from reality. If we existed in a vacuum, that could be true, but in a vacuum, nothing exists; nothing can be where the governing rule is nothingness."
"..Yeah, that makes sense. But then if people don't really believe in, or at least recognize and follow real change, what is it we're doing? And what does real change even look like?"
"Rebellion and Revolution."
"What? What do those have to do with anything?"
"Rebellion is establishing one's self as right and correct and the standard of everything good and righteous and true against a standing establishment of authority. Rebellion stands in the fact that it declares itself as being truly wise and right and rejects the authorities in charge of it; without any change or moving of itself from where it is, it immediately declared a new order and strives to achieve it. This, as I'm sure you've noticed, is the general order the world follows and most places that establish themselves as loving change do. Also, anything grounded in rebellion is always on the look at for any counter-active forces or thoughts to itself, anything that could ideologically or practically conflict with its agenda, and always uses force to crush this different beliefs and people.
Revolution, though, is a personal action. It is a reflection on who you are inside, and choosing to change that based on what you know to be true and good, even just set against your life and someone else's or as grand as you against the world. It quite literally means to turn or turn over, much like the Greek word repent, to do an about face, to change one's mind and abandon old ways of thinking and behaving. It is the kind of activity that takes immense character and maturity, and is the only way for things to be done truly right or in alliance with goodness. It is this form of change, this kind of thinking, that rebellion fears most."
"Why is that?"
"Because it requires you to look at yourself, really look at yourself, and acknowledge what you know is wrong and not good. What is petty and bitter and foolish, and to let go of it in exchange for something that will not allow you to behave as you have, to live a self-centered life that ignores the truth of things and simply looks at the surface to make blind decisions that destroy people and ultimately yourself. It is a selfless way of living that requires the person who does it to give themselves entirely over to truth and abandon selfishness in pursuit of betterment and what is real. It prevents you from being caught up in stupid arguments and temporal debates and see what really matters. And that person, having lost their attachment to themself and to passive things, has all the power in the universe to truly live life and find as well as simply exhibit truth. And this kind of life stands in undeniable triumphant stark contrast to retrogression and rebellion. That is why the status quo is protected so dearly, and the idea of living a selfless, servant-esqe life is so deeply reviled and attacked and skewed in terrible ways."

I looked from my coffee to him and back a few times. When my view finally rested on him, his eyes were still bright, now more peaceful and chipper than before, like they usually were. I couldn't really think of anything to say at the moment, but was still a little confused.

"So what does that have to do with..?"
"Change? The connection is simply this. Revolution is at its essence change. True change is that which requies you to give of yourself rather than call other people to give to you. t is entirely external, and requires an abandoning and turning of old ways in favor of new ways. You could call it a new birth or new creation if you'd like. And it's not being reborn or recreated, goodness no. Recreation and rebirth is simply to be put in a cycle and repeat things. If it's changed and new it can't be what it was, right? That's that most people of the world do: rebirth and recreate images, ideas, jobs, actions, and the like. They never go experience and go through a new creation or a new birth. They stay as they are wearing masks with different titles that try to hide the same hideous and destructive structure beneath it. And, as you might well guess from being cynical or observe from a balanced perspective, true change is often painful and unpleasant. But each times it occurs, it's like having a few less diseases, a few less malfunctions, a few less problems you personally have to go through. Instead of being like those who are constantly tossed about by the waves and misfortunes of life from repeat to repeat, change allows you to avoid being in those situations to begin with by holding and acting on the truer perspective of things. And certainly watching others run on an exercise wheel isn't pleasant, but you can only live your life and make choices for you. So I guess that's a bit of a drawn out way to answer your question, and there it is."

He went back to his coffee, still smiling at me. I just opted to stare at mine, or maybe just the small reflection on its surface of me. But I wondered, what would happen if I looked beneath that sometimes rippling pool of light and delve into its murky, potent dpeths?

I took a bit of a gulp. The heat and the strength of the brew was  something to be reckoned with, as my tongue, throat and stomach soon let me know in case my brains neurological messages had escaped me.

But it was some damn good coffee.


Saturday, December 13, 2008

It's about 3 am, people are running around this floor of the dorm screaming and banging on doors, my laundry is done for the last time at this school, and now I'm going to go sleep and wonder at the meaning of it all.

Hey, if there's love in my heart for any you, would you like to hear it? If so, hey, I love you, and if not, then active dynamics are  better than words anyways, right?


Saturday, August 02, 2008

Not a whole lot to say. There's plenty to be seen and heard and written and wrote and read and observed, but not a whole lot to be said. I suppose in a way it's exciting, but to see so many people wandering around and embracing blindness and purposing themselves towards destruction of themselves and apathy towards any others involved is a very... sobering thing. Try as they might, the various christian social groups on campus will in the end, I believe, be of little impact. Why?

They are irrelevant.

Kirche, Churches are irrelevant. Every denomination. Every building. Every stone lined with mortar and every wooden beam supported by steel skeleton is nothing more than another institution demanding impossible and unbiblical things and even short of that things Jesus did not ask for or request. If it were, mightn't the power Jesus promised accompany the sermons and street evangelism and pew-warming? Because I'd think there'd be power to follow the acts Jesus would have us do if the Kirche, this western construct of religion, commonly practices throughout its various forms, flavors and guises ("I only do and say what i hear and see my Father in heaven doing and saying"; yeah, that is in the gospels). If this nonsense, this religious bullshit were really the will of God, his power would accompany it. I'd say there's something more to what Jesus lived out and gave as comission and said was the gospel he brought than powerless rhetoric and circular theory.

Kids of varying ages, a large range really, and adults, all of whom want nothing to do with the the church. with the Kirche. With Sunday mornings and wednesday nights and salvation calls that do not offer the redemption and foundation of repentance Jesus spoke of. The preserved bodies of ancient thigns that have long since died and are merely made to appear living through living sacrifices of the innocent do not interest these people. If God really exists, he ought to make the effort to show substance in a world of illusions mirrors and darkness. And if such is not to be the case, than anything of substance that can be clung to is worth everything, even one's own destruction. "Give me the real thing flowing throw my veins", as Martin Smith put it. If God cannot exist in every matter of life, if he cannot be absolute outside of a stone building enthroning a new levitical middle man of money, slavery, violence, oppression, controlling men and women, and formulas; if such is the only place he can exist, then he does not exist. God must be eternal and outside of man's control yet still interested and involved to exist and matter. Otherwise, give me what I can hold and what i want.

And I agree with that wholeheartedly. God exists, but not in religion and not in churches. He exists outside of us, but also chooses to take residence within us. We really are temples unto God. That's where power and change are. God. God acting, living in and through us. That's were reality is changed, that's how we hear and see what the Father is doing and speaking right now, in eternity and in time and space in us. That's how the power Jesus spoke of and promised manifests. That's how one walks in light. Because light is what changes the atmosphere it is presented in and introduced unto.

Hope everyone is doing well and finding God more and more in life and less of themselves trying to rule and control everything. Feel free to give me a shout on facebook or email or phone. My schedule is fairly open thus far.

Love,
-alex (and of course from Jesus)

www.soleyn.com
http://elling.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/starfishmanifesto08.pdf

(I personally reccommend the above sites)


Thursday, June 12, 2008

"The thing about clouds is that they're very much individualistic in their function, and in that I mean they never really change. Just our perception and momentary usefulness for them changes. In cold weather you curse them for blocking them warming light, or on inconvenient rainy days for being there and squeezing themselves dry. But on hot muggy days we're angry when they pass by too quickly and don't give us a comforting shade. Today is just another gray cloudy day, and not so much gray in the almost white and thought-provoking sense. Gray as in the dark beginning to border black kind of gray, with some vicious winds blowing every few minutes. I'm also lucky enough to be outside in the middle of it all. Why am I in the middle of this stormy weather? Bit of a dumb question. Why is anyone ever in stormy weather? You may also wonder why I'm not doing anything about my predicament. Stop asking dumb questions. Of course I don't particularly like getting soaked and chilled by violent elements. I don't think many intelligent (a term used lightly here) people do. And those of you who are actually intelligent have probably already made a great solution to this problem: moving somewhere less wet and windy. But what's the point of I'm going to bet drenched and near-frozen anyways? 5 feet of space from where I get hypothermia isn't much reason for me to move, not that I could make my legs work enough to move anyways. So, it being that I'm probably just going to die anyways, I'll just close my eyes for a second, and...

'Hm? You awake now?'
'...Yeah. What the hell am I doing here?'
'I saw you across the field, so I went and carried you back here. Good thing, too; you were about to be a goner.'
'..Do you want my thanks or what?'
'I didn't do it for thanks or anything. I did it because I figure you have something to live for.'
'Doesn't my allowing myself to be put in a near-death scenario entail otherwise?'
'Only if you're a fool who can't see, and I don't think you're that far along, thankfully.'
'You mean because I probably have someone I haven't thought of that will magically help me?'
'That could be a factor, but not exclusively, no. More that, people tend to lose sight of things because problems walk up to their face. And instead of looking around to see the problem in perspective, all they can see is the problem right in front of them. But it's kind of like pulling a penny closer to your face: eventually it becomes bigger than your line of shut, blurs your vision, then makes you blind in that eye til it goes away.'
'..Makes sense, I guess. But what do I have worth living for?'
'I'd say that you know, but chances are that you don't. But just because you can't put words to it doesn't mean you don't suspect its existence and presence. Isn't hope the substance of things unseen?'

I sat dumbfounded, not entirely processing mentally what I heard. But those words did stir something up in me. Maybe there was something that I knew deep down, beyond damned interferences called words, worth striving for. And then something really bizarre, even beyond being saved by a total stranger, happened. Suddenly I was back in the field, and I instinctively looked up for some reason. The almost black clouds were breaking, and gentle light was breaking through, absent of heat or humidity. Just a gentle, intangible caress of some invisible hand. Then a strand of a song I must've heard a long time ago floated through my head.

'Clouds have gathered around my head, but these hands, they lifted me. And I'll tell of this love that saved me.' "



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